I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
