I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
