margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
