Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
