trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
FUCK WHALES
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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