the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The air was thick with penises
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Shame - the story of my life.
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