I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
