yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
