You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
