Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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