Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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