We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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