he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My dick has a subreddit
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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