how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
