we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
