Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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