Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
