I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
