i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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