i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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