i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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