I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
