I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
A+ Viking dick
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
