If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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