walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
