Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
