I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
