I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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