She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
