you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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