if i can run in heels then i can drive
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
