You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
