Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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