Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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