When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's the barista slut.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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