I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
