just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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