My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
