It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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