She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
