is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
