So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
