you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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