Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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