Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
