if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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