You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
