I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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