So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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