My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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