were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
