if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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