So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
