remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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