When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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